Distant friend: *comments on my photo*
Me: "That's so true! Also by the way, I miss you :)"
Distant friend: "Me too! We HAVE to hang out sometime!"
Plans for definite future socialization are confirmed, usually all in the span of five minutes, never to be followed up on again.
Let me clarify. Usually if it's a close friend, we find some way to make plans. However, it's those friends from summer programs, those digital acquaintances with which hollow promises are made in the facade of a close friendship.
This has been an ongoing trend that I've noticed. Based on my totally-not-statistical observations, many people I know (including myself, sometimes) tend to act more outgoing, more effervescent over the internet than we are in real life. We are quicker to compliment. We are quicker to send out hearts emojis than give hugs in real life (except me--I'm probably one of the most open huggers you'll find). We are bolder, more daring, quicker to reach out and show affection and feign a closeness that would take maybe days or weeks to manifest in real life. I've met many friends that seemed confident over the internet, only to be more withdrawn and less open in real life.
This doesn't just affect friendships as well--this affects relationships, too. A New York Times Modern Love essay a couple of years back touched on this subject, when a girl who fell in love with a guy she'd met at a digital internet conference developed an incredible relationship with him over Skype worked to meet up with him in real life, only to discover that he was closed off, hesitant, and ignorant of her. In real life, it turned out that he valued his digital presence and his image rather than the actual relationships he had with people around him.
I wonder what boldness and intrepidness takes place over the ambiguous digital interwebs that can't translate to real life. Is it that the stakes are higher in real life--that spending time in each others' physical presence forces a commitment that doesn't have to be held over the internet? (In the internet, all it takes is to ex out of a chat box or not respond to a message--in real life, we can't just leave) Is it that we have a longer time to polish what we have to say over the internet? Or does what we have to say over the internet hold less weight, and therefore we can exaggerate emotions, connections, and friendships?
One thing is for sure--the internet makes it easier for us to say things. But does that make us more truthful about our feelings, or does it give us more space to lie?
Hi Christina! I really related to this post --- in fact, your example of a stereotypical conversation is something I know I've typed tens of times. While I think that technology can definitely facilitate shallowness, do you think that's really a function of technology? Or is it instead reflective of a general trend in society?
ReplyDeleteSomething I think might be interesting to make an additional post about is Snapchat and its ability to keep people connected. Personally, I really appreciate Snapchat. Even though in the abstract it seems odd to send selfies back and forth, I think there's something powerful in seeing each other's faces that cannot be achieved simply over text. However, one of my good friends refuses to get Snapchat because he thinks it's superficial and doesn't want the pressure of maintaining streaks. What do you think, and does some sort of balance exist?
Hey Christina-- this post reminded me of our conversation in Germany about how genuine people are. Remember we talked about how germans really do expect follow ups while americans are less attached to words? I find that to be such a curious space.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I just read an article about prejudice for my senior psych project. It was about how effective sympathy and empathy is over the internet. Studies tried to measure the impact of comments on those who felt they were taking on the consequences of prejudice. Studies concluded that less frequent but more vulnerable comments were shown to convey the most support.
Personally, I'm not sure how effective the internet is in conveying emotion-- any thoughts?
Great post Christina! Your questions at the end about how technology affects our relationships and connections is one of the issues I explored during my junior research paper at the end of last year. If you're interested in reading more about that subject, I'd recommend reading some of Sherry Turkle's articles and books because she does a really good job explaining how technology can impede our personal relationships. I think that part of the problem with technology is that it's so easy to project an image of yourself on the internet that isn't who you really are. Consequently, it's also really easy to become detached from what you and others say online, and emotions that are conveyed in person through nonverbal cues and vocal inflections are lost when you just send a comment or text.
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